Matters are not memories are they the people who possessed themgave them too youpersonally, or left them behind. If you’ve read my blog or you understand me, you’ll also understand that my eldest son Ryan expired in 2007. Have you ever lost someone you loved?
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I bet most of you have, if it was somebody really close game to you, you may have been confronted with the job of sorting through their possessions – clothes, books, personal items, mementos, athletic decorations….all types of items. Most of us have a different strategy for dealing with this circumstance, a few dip in and get it sorted straight away due to requirement (the house has to be sold or handed back to the landlord) or as you only need to’get it done’ others prefer to preserve the room as it had been and spend time sitting in there recalling others simply can not face it whatsoever. There are lots of situations and combinations of reasons and thoughts relating to this. You simply have to do what feels right for you. ; he was no more here slamming doors (he had been dumb as he went on his company ) and lighting up rooms, bringing smiles to people’s faces and laughing with this wonderful contagious laugh. He cried incessantly, till I’d ask him for the edited version of a story and he was enthusiastic about the matters which were significant to him. He believed his younger brother Bryce was fabulous, they were best mates. He loved a family or social event; he was an all round nice guy – adored by all who had the pleasure of spending some time with him. So to stand in his bedroom doorway or lie on his bed seeing what he observed when he was in his room was just so very difficult back in those days. The balance between melancholy in a way which is congruent with psychological wellbeing and health, given the circumstances, and feeling totally unhinged has been a very fine line indeed.At the time I had been experiencing all types of emotions, sometimes I was miserable beyond words, others I had been angry or felt guilty (after all I was a Mum I ought to have been in a position to create this right) I had times of total disbelief along with others of inconsolable grief and despair. All part of the process of handling the unthinkable. I was so lucky to have a fantastic grounding in psychological health and wellbeing, given my previous training plus a fantastic support network, nevertheless a few days were just plan hard. Over time I had the odd better moment, then maybe a day when I didn’t shout, finally I had more good days than miserable days, and life took to a brand new normal. I had chosen to live my own entire life. In fact my son had put a fabulous example he had lived a life of pleasure and excitement.A few months later Ryan’s death I’d decided to sort through his clothes, however others who were very close to Ryan weren’t prepared for that and that I packed them back into the wardrobe again. Time went by and for quite a while while it only felt too hard. However lately the room started to feel’heavy’ for me and that I understood I had to make a move. Funny how not doing it was preserving my psychological health and wellbeing at one stage and later not performing it had been having another impact! I floated the idea with Bryce (my younger kid ) who offered to help and we spent a day together in Ryan’s room sorting through everything, college books, photographs, clothes, football and cricket decorations, paperwork, items out of his 3 months traveling across the world. We created piles of things we thought could be unique to other people, kept some things we simply could not throw or give away yet and everything else was bundled up and taken to the local charity shop – that I was feeling so much milder. Thank goodness Bryce isn’t a hoarder either! We transferred the future into the drop, including the desk my parents gave me on my 8th birthday (it was way past time to let that one go) and it is all being collected by a charity to get re -gifting or resale.The space now feels lighter, there’s a separate bed in there using another comforter, and it is uncluttered and includes a whole new feel. In reality, I have a completely new sense, and prognosis too. It’s had a very positive impact on my overall mental health and health. I am planning to put something fresh on the wall and maybe even paint it a new colour. So why am I telling you all of this – because it struck me that we often’hang on’ to things in our own life as a representation of a memory or individual. We will not part with things that we no longer have use because Great Aunt Dorothy gave that to usor it belonged to a parent or kid. We revolve the thing with a memory, the individual or feeling, however things aren’t the memory they could provoke the memory once we hold or look at them. If we let go of all the things we no longer have a use for we don’t forego the memory, that memory stays with us forever and can be recalled whenever we enjoy. I feel this also has a very positive impact on our individual mental health and wellness and of course the flow on effect to those around us.So let’s be real about this, if I retained everything that Ryan ever owned how would this help me? A room of clutter which was not useful to anybody and held me and my loved ones stuck at the despair of our loss. In letting go of these’things’ I feel lighter and freer and have talented everything that has been useful to others and kept the things Bryce or I weren’t yet ready to forego, I have no doubt over the years that collection will also diminish.I have wonderful memories of my gorgeous boys; both of these, of the joy of being the Mum and seeing them develop into wonderful young men, making their way from the world having some interesting life experiences, what a present. As a Mum I don’t require anything to try to remember every moment of the time with them. Most importantly I owe it to these two beautiful boys for an example of mental health and wellness, I surely want to have the ability to reveal Bryce how to live an outrageously healthy happy lifestyle.What exactly are you holding onto in your own life that could be employed by somebody else, what baggage are you holding onto either emotionally or physically. I believe part of living a healthy life is finding proper ways to take care of life’s challenges. Let’s face it maybe not every moment of our lives is full of sweetness and light, it is a lifetime of comparison. We have a fantastic opportunity while on the earth to share of ourselves together with the world in all our magnificence.This is my present to you today’Things are not memories nor are they the men and women who owned themgave them too youpersonally, or left them behind!’ Give yourself the gift of letting go of any baggage either physical or emotional, allow yourself to experience the joys of both psychological health and health regular, and live your best, most outrageously healthful life.